Agents of Ikea
by snarkysweetness
Summary: Skye and Ward give the team a mission which leads to an afternoon of bickering because nothing tears families apart like building Ikea furniture.


**Title:** Agents of Ikea  
 **Author:** snarkysweetness  
 **Rating:** PG-13  
 **Pairing:** Skyeward with all of their dumb siblings and her parents  
 **Summary:** Skye and Ward give the team a mission which leads to an afternoon of bickering because nothing tears families apart like building Ikea furniture.  
 **Warnings:** None.  
 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing.  
 **Author's Notes:** This is really stupid and pointless but I was told to post it anyway so here we are.

"Don't tell me what in the bloody hell to do!" Fitz yelled in annoyance as he ripped the instructions from Hunter's hands.

"For a bloody engineer you're not very good at this!" Hunter yelled back while Jemma yelled out in frustration and buried her face in her hands before screaming into them.

"You're upsetting Jemma! She's too tiny to be this upset!" Trip argued.

"Man, they're all tiny," Mack said with his arms crossed as he shook his head. Fitz and Hunter were now rolling around on the floor, fighting for the instructions.

Skye cringed; she hoped Trip or Mack broke this up soon. Sure, Hunter was little but Fitz was smaller and she did not want to have to punch Hunter if he hurt Fitz.

The five of them had been at this for forty-five minutes; bickering over a pile of wood and screws and yelling at each other each time someone put it together wrong. For a group of super skilled agents, it was truly pathetic to see them falling apart because of a piece of furniture.

"I told you we should have paid someone to do this," Grant whispered into Skye's ear as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. She smiled as she leaned against his chest.

"This is supposed to be a bonding exercise, remember? A test to see if our village can handle this."

Grant snorted and sipped at his coffee before motioning to the piece he and Bobbi had built together without any issues in less than thirty minutes. "It's seems to me they're failing. I say we throw the rest of them out of our village and just keep Bobbi."

"Good idea." Bobbi winked with a smirk as she sat back in said chair and watched the others in amusement. After a moment she made a face when it occurred to her that one of the idiots wrestling over a piece of paper was someone she'd willingly married; twice.

"YOU TWO ANIMALS CAN FINISH THIS YOURSELVES I AM DONE!" Jemma screeched before jumping to her feet angrily. She caught Bobbi chuckling in her direction and shot her a glare.

Bobbi threw both hands up in surrender. "Look at the instructions, Jemma."

Jemma narrowed her gaze angrily before plucking the paper right from where Fitz and Hunter each had a hold on it. She slapped Fitz's hand away when he reached for it and she scanned it with a scowl that soon turned into her mouth forming an 'O'.

"Took you long enough," Ward muttered as he sipped his coffee.

Jemma threw it down and before Fitz and Hunter could resume fighting Mack had taken over.

"Skye!" Jemma squealed as she threw her arms around her friend. Skye hugged her back with a smile and brought a finger to her lips before pointing at the boys who had now formed two teams: Hunter and Fitz versus Mack and Trip.

"They still haven't caught on yet?" May asked, having appeared without anyone noticing her.

Skye shrugged with a sigh. "The boys are not as smart as the girls here."

"Hey! Not all of us are as stupid as they are," Ward replied, offended.

A pillow flew by Skye and hit Ward in the head. He released her and growled, throwing it back at Bobbi violently. They'd been at this all morning; picking on each other while getting the small room ready. First it was a paint brush fight, then a tickle fight, and now this. They were bonding; it was cute.

"Don't, you'll break it!" Bobbi squealed when Ward attempted to tickle her to get her out of the rocking chair.

" _You're_ going to break it."

"Shut up!"

Skye rolled her eyes.

"Still want to do this?" May asked as she toyed with Skye's hair and shook her head at Bobbi and Ward behaving like bickering siblings and having a pillow fight.

Skye leaned against May with a small smile. "I really do."

She felt a hand on her shoulder and didn't bother to look because she knew it was Coulson. "They still haven't figured it out?"

"They aren't even close," Skye said with a chuckle.

Coulson kissed her temple and gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Just promise me you'll stop them before they all kill each other."

"I'll give them five more minutes…I don't need them breaking the damn thing."

"Bobbi! I need him for a mission!" Coulson yelled as Bobbi got Ward in a headlock.

Skye crinkled her nose as she debated saving her man or letting Bobbi win for her own amusement. After a moment she sighed, knowing she had to be the grown-up with these stupid tall people. "Bobbi, let him go. Grant, call a truce. I think it's adorable you two have morphed into five-year-olds but I need someone to break _that_ up," she said motioning to the middle of the room where the boys were still arguing.

Bobbi glanced over with a roll of her eyes and released Ward. "This isn't over, Ward. You got paint on my favorite shoes."

"You started it!" He teased.

Bobbi shook her head with a smile and it made Skye smile. She was glad someone besides Fitz was playing this nicely with Ward. It was long overdue.

"LANCE!" Bobbi yelled and he jumped in fear at the tone in his wife's voice.

"Yes, love?" He asked innocently, two large planks of wood in his hands.

"Fitz is an engineer. Maybe if you stopped trying to be right you'd see he's been doing it right the whole time. And the two of you," she shook her head at Mack and Trip. "You're supposed to be better than this."

They all started to argue at the same time and this time it was mom who shut them up.

"Enough," May ordered with a look that could stop anyone cold.

Skye laughed into Ward's shoulder as they all scrambled to get back to work, shooting May terrified glances.

"Back to work," Coulson added, shaking his head.

"Good job, honey," May teased, patting Coulson on the back.

"I was just helping you, dear," Coulson muttered in embarrassment as he toyed with his tie.

May smiled and grabbed him by the tie, pulling him in for a kiss. "You're very helpful," she appeased, fixing his tie before releasing him with a wink.

Skye made a face. She did not need to think about her parents doing it.

"Wait…what the hell is this for?" Fitz asked, staring up at them when he finally figured out what they were building.

"Well," Skye began, smiling down at the mess of a crib they'd halfway assembled, "where do you expect the baby to sleep?"

"What baby?" Hunter asked like an idiot before it dawned on him. "Bloody hell, Skye. You let Ward knock you up?"

Grant wrapped his arms around Skye and kissed the top of her head with a smirk. "Yes she did."

"Baby girl!" Trip said in excitement as he picked Skye up into a bear hug before passing her off to Mack. Once they made the rounds she finally got a chance to sit in the rocking chair Ward and Bobbi had built for her, exhausted from the commotion.

"I still can't believe you're the one making me a grandfather," Coulson teased, giving Ward a hard time.

"Me either, sir. I still think she's going to wake up one day and realize she's made a huge mistake."

"I still might," Skye called, touching her middle. _Don't worry kid_ , she thought, _your dad's a keeper_.

Ward shot her a wounded puppy look and she gave him a smile. She held a hand out and he took it before moving to his knees to check on their tiny bump. "Don't worry baby girl, we're going to buy you a different crib that's put together by daddy and Auntie Bobbi," he whispered in a cooing tone.

Skye smiled. He was an idiot. But he was her idiot.

"Oh my God! I'm getting a drink." Bobbi announced. She shot her husband a glare before storming out of the room followed by Jemma.

"What, Bob! These three idiots aren't fit to raise a baby!"

"Skye, tell him I'm her godfather," Trip argued and now four pairs of eyes were on her.

Skye groaned. These four were going to make this a very long pregnancy.

"We haven't decided yet," Ward said with a shit-eating grin. "But how about this; since May and Coulson will be the ones who get her if anything happens to us would you two mind being the ones to pick your successors?"

Skye snorted, holding in a laugh. Oh, he was definitely a keeper.

May crossed her arms with an amused smile and Coulson gave them his best 'dad' look.

"I think we'll have to take our time with this, Melinda. Really vet them; make them pass parenting tests. It may take us months."

"I don't know, Phil, do we think they can behave that long?"

Fitz and Hunter immediately began arguing that they could, getting into another fight while Trip and Mack shook their heads and gave Skye and Ward a 'look'. Skye gave them a wink and pressed her finger to her lips. This was amusing to watch.

"How long until we tell them we already picked Bobbi and Trip?" Ward whispered.

"Oh a few weeks at least," Skye teased as she reached for his hand. "Or until Bobbi comes back and ruins it."


End file.
